Paid to Travel

     Recently, a post came up on my facebook that summed up ship-life pretty succinctly:

     “Cruise life has such a glam look to the outside world. Pictures posted are of beautiful places we are privilege to see, or the parties we get to ‘unwind’ in after work.

     Reality is, cruise life really is great, but it can also be hard and lonely at times. You work every day for months on end with long hours and no days off.

     You party hard because there’s nowhere else to go after work, no home or family to go back to. Your ship friends become your family- you create great friendships for months on end to maybe never be able to see that person again after that contract ends. Only once you’ve worked at sea can you truly understand the notions of ‘ship-life’.”

     If this post had come to me before, I probably would’ve included them in an earlier post. Bear in mind that I do not know who originally wrote these words. If I did, I would share because the O.P. truly hits the nail on the head when it comes to the work-life balance when living and working on a cruise ship. This is something I always try to make painfully clear to everyone I talk to: when living on a cruise ship, work comes first. That being said, it does provide crew with unique opportunities for exploration.

Do We Get to Go Out in Port?

     This question is presented to me more than I ever expected it would. Of course we have the opportunity to leave the ship! If we didn’t, we would be living on a floating prison/work-camp, and far fewer people would opt to live this life. 

     Let me reassure you, as long as we have no work to do in port, you are welcome to leave the ship... with some stipulations.

When, Where, and How?

     Like I already mentioned, the biggest determining factor for whether we can or can not go out is if we do or do not work. Some people have set schedules while in port that greatly limit their ability to get off the ship and explore the port. The reverse is also true, some people have schedules free during time in port; so whether or not they choose to go out in port is up to them.

     However, not all ports are the same. Some ports only allow crew to explore with the right type of documentation [eg. Certain types of visas (while rare, some crew members’ visas do not permit them to leave the ship in certain ports), passports (which are held by the crew purser during your contract and are only given out for this purpose), seaman’s/Panama books (a type of seaman’s passport), etc.]. Sometimes the ship will not allow crew to leave the ship in certain ports, or drills could be taking place, other times the ship may restrict the time we are allowed to leave the ship, as to make it easier for paying passengers.

     A few constants are that we must have our crew card, we can not take property of the ship with us and they highly discourage the use of name-tags and the wearing of uniforms while in port. One more constant is the “when?” Crew members are only allowed to leave the ship at a certain time and must be back on the ship at a certain time so as not to block the entrances for passengers as they come back on to the ship. Usually, the all-aboard time for crew is about 30 minutes-1 hour before passengers.

This Is the Life

     Just in case you have not caught on yet: this is a job! This is not a vacation; and rest time, as well as time to do the other necessities of everyday life (laundry and cleaning) is limited. Some crew choose to forgo the time in port in exchange for the opportunity to catch up on sleep or chores. As I wrote this, I have not left the ship in over a week. 

     The other major factor is money. Messing around these cities isn’t free, and most things you do in port will likely cost some amount of money. Sometimes it is easier to save the money and stay on the ship. Especially when taking into account the limited time we have to go out, it is sometimes not worth it to leave the ship just to eat lunch or go to the beach for a mere 30 minutes.

Walk-On/Walk-Off

     If you have ever taken a cruise as a passenger, you have gone through a process that is almost identical to what crew go through when leaving and entering a ship, with very little variation. We have to scan our card to get on and off the ship and we have to go through x-ray scanners getting back on the ship (in order to ensure no illegal substances are being smuggled onto the ship). The only slight variations for this procedure is that we must open our bags for search upon leaving the ship to ensure that we are not leaving with any of the ship's/company’s property and we have specific areas that we are designated to leave and reenter the ship (again, to keep most entrances clear for passengers).

Once Off the Ship

     When we leave the ship in port, the ship no longer provides for us. We are granted some amenities (such as the ability to take tender services or buses without having to pay for tickets) but there are limited to even those. We are not allowed to take seats away from paying guests. Which means we may be required to wait for a time to board these buses or tender boats, limiting the time we have to do what we want, or to get where we want to get. Some people opt for Taxi services, but these cost money. It is up to the crew member to get where they want to go; and where we can go is virtually limitless. As long as we show back up to the ship on time, are not drunk, and do not do anything illegal, we are able to go as far as we want to during our time off the ship. 

     Does that mean that everyone takes full advantage of this? No. Some people would rather run errands, go grocery shopping, find things they need, then go back to the ship to get some coveted rest. When in port, if you know where to look, you will easily be able to see the local haunts of the crew. 

Excursions

     The only exception to many of the rules above: shop-sponsored excursions are the only time that we are exempt from restrictions of time (we are allowed to come back after the curfew for crew, we are allowed to leave the ship during passenger times, etc.). Crew members do have to pay for ship-sponsored excursions, though with a discount, and some can be free. However, from my experiences, excursions through the ship are definitely worth it, for both passengers and crew… if there is time or availability. The ability to go on excursions is mostly dependent on the availability of slots not currently occupied by passengers, and we do not usually find out until the day before whether or not we are able to go. 

Miscellaneous

     I wanted to treat the information in the earlier parts of this post in an objective fact driven way. So, I figured I would keep the most personal aspects of this at the end by answering questions that have been posed to me regarding my experiences in the ports.

-Do you have the same ports over and over again?

     Yes. I do. However, I have found out very recently that it isn’t true about all itineraries. While a ship is traveling throughout a particular season, I believed they would stick with the same ports; this actually isn’t true. Some ships in some companies actually have the same ports but in a less structured order. Or they may even do one string of different ports. 

     One thing I kept out of the top (because, again, it is more opinion based) is that this can actually become slightly monotonous. Never, in a million years before taking this job, would I have thought that traveling around the world and having the opportunity to see places I had always dreamed of seeing would become monotonous. And yet… When you are limited in the amount of time you have off the ship, and you find yourself only getting snippets and glimpses of ports that require so much more time to explore, it is hard to truly grasp the wonder of some of these places. Pair that with the fact that these ports become a routine instead of a previously-far-off world, and unfortunately you become inured to the life of travel pretty quickly. This is one reason that many crew members choose to travel on their time off to revisit some places they experienced and would like to experience more, or go to places that are otherwise outside of the reach of ship-life.

     I am living on a ship that is working in Europe. Ask many people that live in the United States and they would tell you that the opportunity to travel around Europe sounds like a dream. I agree; but I have somehow lost the wonder that I first had when traveling to these incredible places. While I am constantly trying to remind myself how amazing it is to be able to visit multiple countries over the course of a single week, it is frequently overshadowed by the fact that work, and life, can often get in the way.

-Do you make friends in other countries?

     I have. Does everybody? I do not know. I do wish I could say that I have made more friends while I am in port; however, most of the international friends I have made are from my time on the ship, and not my time in the port. 

-What are the best places I have been?

     This is my first contract, which means that much of the time I have spent in different countries can be quite limited. Especially when it is the same ports every week. However, this contract did expose me to some incredible places I would’ve otherwise never taken the time to explore without this opportunity. Cities like Valletta, Malta and Palma de Mallorca, Spain, have become some of my favorite ports. And though while I write this one of these ports is no longer on my itinerary, it is a port that I miss going to and eagerly look forward to the opportunity to explore again. 

     This contract has given me the chance to explore one of the greatest cities in the world: Rome. I have had multiple opportunities over the months to go visit a city that is worth every moment that is spent there. Does it live up to the hype and expectations? I had very high expectations going in, and was slightly disappointed by how touristy the city can be, but the history, the art, and the architecture are some of the best in the world and are truly beyond compare to anything I had experienced in my life previously. 

     I also was able to reaffirm my love for the City of Barcelona, which is the first city I had ever (in my entire life) visited in Europe and is still one of my favorite ports. I would happily go there every day and spend time just wandering the streets. 

     Even smaller ports like Genova, Italy and Palermo, Sicily are have their own highlights and their own attractions that truly make visiting them worth it. 

     Two ports I enjoyed because it brought me closest to feeling at home, was wandering around Copenhagen, Denmark, and Helsinki, Finland. This is because, while port cities, they are more metropolitan; which, being from Chicago, meant I got to do the things I miss most about being at home: getting to wander and explore the different areas of the city at my leisure (similar to Barcelona).

     However, the port that impressed me the most with its sheer beauty (and is also a port I only had the opportunity to visit once) is Flam, Norway. Located in the Fjords, this incredible, picturesque valley is a place that I would happily visit again and sincerely hope for the opportunity to do so. While I mention above that I love the ability to wander and explore the city, this place is almost the exact opposite. While there is a small town, this port is almost exclusively nature, with trails leading up into the hills and the ability to just take in the breath-taking beauty of a port that many people have never had the good fortune to explore. 

     To round this post off, I will also mention that many crew members will wait until the end of their contract to visit a lot of the major attractions near their ports. Before this contract ends in three weeks, I am hoping to be able to visit Milan, Pisa, Cinque Terra, Monaco and Tuscany to end my contract by creating more memories that I can take with me. Though if the opportunity isn’t possible, I know what I will be doing in the future. 

     Because I am an American working for a European company on a European itinerary, guest interactions can sometimes be very different from what you are used to back at home. So, in my next post I want to discuss what it is like, as an American, working with an international clientele.

Free (?) Time

     One, near constant reaction I heard in response to my starting to work on a cruise line (other than, “That’s such a cool opportunity; think of all the places you’ll get to see!”) was, “I could never live working that much!”

     A point I always try to stress to those people is that it is not like working on land where your time off is spent doing menial tasks, such as: grocery shopping, cooking, and constant travel (I had to travel sometimes a few hours per day for work, let alone anything I chose to do in my free-time). While we are doing many things that we do on land- like going to the gym (well… not me), going to the bar, going to friends’, going to eat, etc.- these are all things (unless on shore, in port) that require no considerations of travel. Ultimately, we still have a comparable amount of free-time to what we are used to on land when you remove the other uses of our free time.

     However, something a crew member is quick to realize is that what you do in your free-time can have a profound affect on your mental health and your ability to cope with the heavy stresses of ship life. 

R&R

     If you asked 100 crew members what their favorite past-time is when they are not working, and I can guarantee that at least 50 of them would say SLEEPING. Depending on your department/position or itinerary/port, sleep schedules can be very erratic. Pair that with long working hours and the stress of your work and it shouldn’t be hard to believe that sleeping is a favorite past time for many when they clock out. 

     I, myself, feel I have taken more naps during my time on the ship than any other time in my adult life combined. Unfortunately, too much rest can be bad for you. If you only rest and work, you will begin to feel incredibly isolated. 

A Different Kind of Bill

     Many people ask me a silly question, “What do you enjoy doing in your free-time while on the ship?” I find it silly because, I enjoy the same things that I enjoy doing on land. While some of these pleasures are denied to us (the ability to go to our favorite restaurants or eat our favorite foods regularly, going to the movies, going to see shows, etc.), all of the pleasures of daily life are still there. We can have sex or date, hang out with friends, eat, and sleep; all with the added benefit of having very few bills and getting to travel and explore new ports, with different opportunities not afforded to us at home. However, one thing that seems to be a constant on the ship is the joy of going out and drinking after work.

     Drinking, unfortunately, is not a bill that is covered for us. We do have to pay for our drinks (though, usually, at a steep discount). You think you party hard when you go on a cruise as a passenger? That is nothing compared to what it can be like behind the scenes. While we technically have a B.A. limit so we do not get too out of control, it can sometimes be hard to enforce because every person processes alcohol differently. As long as you do not cause chaos and destruction, you are usually good (though, yes, I have met people who were later disembarked for drunken and disorderly conduct, and I have seen random alcohol testing). If you have been on a cruise ship as a passenger, I can almost guarantee that you have worked with someone who may have been hung over, but life goes on and the work continues, regardless. 

      Alcohol is not allowed in our cabins and the places we are allowed to drink are somewhat limited: we are allowed to drink at crew parties (more on that in a little bit), we are allowed to drink in the crew bar and the crew disco, and certain members of the crew (those designated as staff) are allowed to drink (in uniform) in passenger bars, but with stipulations. While in passenger bars, we have to pay a slightly discounted passenger price for drinks (which can be very expensive). We are also not allowed to sit at the bar (or in any other way take seating away from passengers in an effort to maintain the image that the passengers come first in these areas and not to give the impression that it is a crew function), and we have to vacate those premises at 2 a.m. 

     The crew bar and the crew disco are both relatively similar excluding their hours of operation and whether or not you can smoke there. The crew bar is open for several hours throughout the day (closing at 1 a.m. on both ships I have been on) and serves both alcohol, coffee, juices, etc. However, smoking is strictly prohibited throughout the ship, including the crew bar, except in specially designated areas. One of those designated areas is the crew disco. Several people have told me that the crew bar used to be open until 2 a.m. and the crew disco until 1 a.m. until complaints from smokers who had to go back and forth were heeded and they chose to reverse the times. Though the validity of those claims is up for debate, it is true that the crew disco only serves alcohol until 2a.m. on both the ships I have been on. Different ships have different levels of enforcement with the “closing” of the crew disco: with one ship I was on forcing all crew to leave at 2:30, and another allowing the crew to stay several hours later. This could have something to do with proximity to passengers’ cabins (as the one ship had the disco very close to passengers’ quarters), or it could be the whim of the head security, who’s job it is to ensure the premises are vacated. 

     The drinks in the crew areas are extremely limited, with only a basic selection of liquors, a small selection of wine and beer, and the basic mixers available. However, I doubt anyone who works on the ships would say that it doesn’t get the job done. 

Party Time? Excellent

     Crew parties can be a special kind of crazy, and sometimes a special kind of awkward. For someone who is new to the ship (see my earlier post about the crew party being on the first night of my contract and my decision to go to the party), it can be very awkward, without friends, to make any headway into groups that may have already formed on the ship. Of course, there are some people who can do this with ease, but I am not one of them. 

      These parties are coordinated by the HR department on the ships and can be themed (gala night, pool party, etc.) or not. Ultimately, the goal of these parties is pretty simple; allow the crew to blow off steam in a controlled environment and have a night of fun. But because there are very few crew-specific areas that can hold that many people, often these parties take place in passenger areas and must be coordinated in a way to keep passengers out of the party, and the rest fo the crew out of the remaining passenger areas (especially if they have been drinking). So, these parties are often overseen by security, who’s job it is to make sure that these standards are upheld, and ensure that nothing gets out of hand. 

     These parties usually feature a DJ, a selection of alcohol that may vary based on who is coordinating the party, and a LOT of crew members, who eagerly await these parties. The frequency with which these parties are held depends mostly on how often the HR department wants to hold them and how often they can secure a location for these parties to take place. They could happen monthly, bi-weekly, weekly, however often they feel it will boost the morale of the crew on the ship. 

Back to the Cabin.

     What to do when the party is over or you just want some quiet time? Some people choose to move the party to their room. And while alcohol may not be allowed in crew cabins, there is nothing against having friends in the cabin as long as they do not disturb the people in the cabins around you. So, having friends or partners over is not uncommon, but it heavily reliant on the permission of your cabin-mate, as we are supposed to receive permission of the people we live with to have anyone else in our cabin (according to our on-boarding handbooks). However, sometimes there is nothing better than to spend a quiet night watching movies or tv in your cabin. 

     I went into a decent amount of detail about what I brought, and what I may suggest bringing to help fill the hours between work; as well as discussing the details of our living quarters on the ship. Not all time that is spent in the cabin is spent sleeping or with other people and many people on the ship will spend their time ashore downloading the latest movies and TV shows and will choose to watch them while handing out in their cabins. So, having a smart phone or laptop and a good torrenting website is a necessity for many crew members. For me, most of the movies and TV shows I watch came courtesy of my best friend and her (now) fiancé who downloaded several movies and tv shows for me to watch in my down-time. If you do not do any of these, your only option left is the generosity of those around you or watching the TV that comes in the cabin, which is very limited in terms of what there is to watch (as it is the same TV service provided in passenger cabins).

Around the Ship

     Staff members do have it a little better than crew in terms of freedom to roam around the ship (compared to crew members who are only allowed to be in passenger areas for work or during specifically designated times or events). We are welcome to visit most passenger areas under the condition that we are in uniform (including the on-ship nightclub). The only exception to the uniform rule are those that do not always have a set uniform (i.e. international host(esse)s, dancers, musicians, entertainers, etc.), but  must, regardless, be dressed in a way that is appropriate. We are also able to go visit areas like the arcade, pool deck, spa, etc. However, we are not allowed to use passenger amenities (aka thermal area for spa, passenger pools, bowling alley) unless time has been designated and arranged by the ship for crew use, or it is paid for like a passenger. Sometimes there are days where the ship will designate a few hours for crew to use the thermal area of the spa, or parties where the crew are able to use one of the passenger pools, or the arcade/bowling alley can be reserved by a department for a team-building night. But these are few and far between; because, again, they want to ensure guests know that their entertainment comes first on the ship and too many crew members in a given area gives the illusion that passengers are not allowed or that crew has a certain area reserved. 

Ship Sponsored Events

     There are times that are designated specifically for crew that can take place in certain, designated, passenger areas of the ship. I already gave the information for crew parties. However, there are other things that happen throughout the ship. Because not everyone is a heavy partier, and some people work during those times, there are other events that the ship can have to help boost morale and keep spirits high. Aside from times for the spa and parties where the pool may be used, there are sporting competitions and events, movie nights where they screen recently released movies, talent shows or private showings of the theater shows on the ships, dance or exercise classes, and many others. These are usually coordinated and are at the whim of the HR department for the ship and vary from ship-to-ship. But all these things can be a welcome distraction from the relentless work of ship life. 

From Work, to Working Out

     All knowledge about this passage is going to mostly be second-hand, as I have made it abundantly clear that I do not work out, on the ship or off. However, some people do find that working out is one of the best ways to spend their down-time. To hear some of my coworkers put it, it combines some of the best things of other past times: like an outlet for frustration, a release of endorphins, helps boost self esteem and morale, helps boost energy and also helps you sleep when you need to. All these arguments are logically sound and the only excuse I find myself making for not working out regularly is because I feel like I would be embarrassing myself if I were to go by myself and not know what to do. 

ME

     Going from something that I don’t do (going to the gym… blah), to the things that I do do. I want to go a little more in depth with some of the questions people have asked me about what I enjoy doing on the ship, or what there is to do on the ship in general:

-What is the crew bar like?

     I could’ve gone more in depth with this question up top, but I figured it would mess with the pacing and narrative flow of the rest of this post. The crew bar is pretty straight forward. While it is decorated differently on each ship, it is usually located on the main crew deck (deck 4 on both ships I have been on) and has a bar, ample seating for about 40-50 people at any given time, and usually have a more relaxed atmosphere. The crew disco is usually located close to the bow of the ship near (or including) access to the crew pool deck on the front of the ship. Of course, I couldn’t tell you how that may vary on other companies, or whether that holds true with every vessel for the company I work for; however, I have heard this is pretty standard. The crew disco also has a bar, is usually similar in size or larger than the bar, and has more seating with a more energetic feel (which you could probably grasp by the name). There is usually a table-soccer game on the ships I have been on that is used nearly constantly by the crew as a means of entertainment outside of sitting down, drinking, smoking, and socializing. Unfortunately, the crew disco can get pretty smokey and can be uncomfortable for some and is sometimes avoided by those people. 

-Are you allowed to hang out with passengers while off duty? 

     Surprisingly, yes. You can not fraternize in any way, but because staff is welcome in passenger areas, as long as the rules are observed, there is nothing wrong with you hanging out with passengers while you are in those areas. I even had a guy visiting the ship from Chicago who invited me out for a drink one day just to talk about how life on the ship is different to life in the Windy City. You’d do well to be sure that expectations are made clear and that you are not setting yourself up for trouble.

-What are your guilty pleasures on board?

     While I am sure someone was hoping to hear me to say that I love to have endless sex, and party every night until 5a.m. Honestly, my guilty pleasure is napping and writing. Since starting this blog, I have found myself looking forward to writing in my free time and eagerly awaiting posting each week to hear the feedback from the people who take time out of their schedule just to read the words I am writing for no one in particular. Honestly, none of these pleasures are particularly “guilty”, and while I do enjoy partying, hanging out with friends, and meeting new people, I also know that I need to take care of myself mentally and physically more than I felt I needed to at the beginning of the contract. 

-Do you get to go off the ship/go into port?

     This is actually a great lead in to my next post. I have intentionally left details about time spent off the ship out of this post because this subject is one that warrants more focus than just being shoehorned into this story. So, I will answer, yes we do get to go out and explore ports, and I will talk more about it next week!

Friends, Dating, and Sex

      Originally when working on the outline for the order in which I would do these posts, I had intended to do “what to do during free-time” after "work"; because, obviously, that is the logical next step. However, relationships onboard can greatly impact your free time.

Friends

     Because you are leaving your friends behind when you first come on the ships, one of the first steps people take is to try to find friends. Friends are a necessity as a support system, for comfort in the hard-times, and to help fill the void left by the separation of you and your friends back home (and hopefully avoid SOME homesickness).

     I have a small advantage in this regard and it wasn’t just my magnetic and charming personality (…and yes I am rolling my eyes are hard as you are while I am typing that sentence). But, before I get into my spot of good luck, allow me to give you some background about me as a person and my romantic history.

Taylor’s Love Life (or mostly lack thereof)

     To say that my past dating history has been rocky would be an understatement. While I try to keep this blog focused on me and my life on the ships (and keep the general tone positive), the past shapes the future and a lot of interactions in my life are a result of these past experiences. 

     I have dated a guy who had another boyfriend behind my back (along with cheating on me multiple times), another who was emotionally abusive, a guy who constantly tried to check my phone because he didn’t trust me, one who told me that he hoped I died, and yet another who left me to get back together with their ex. For so many other guys I was “great,” just “not great for them.” There was always someone better, nicer, more handsome, etc. (a lot of which contributed to my very poor self-image). I know I am not guilt-free, I have treated men badly in the past and I have been trying to grow as a person. These people may have grown since then (and I am even friends with a couple of them), but the impact on me was profound. 

     My last boyfriend was when I was 20 and I have been single ever since (save for a couple dates). This was never really by choice. I have very unique outlooks on dating and relationships (or at least, I thought they were unique until I moved to Chicago): I believe in open relationships or polyamory (which ever is mutually agreed upon) that is built on trust and open communication. So, obviously this doesn’t attract everyone… Plus, I can’t sell myself very well (see my earlier post where I talk about my poor interviewing skills). I am terrified to go up and talk to people I find attractive and my idea of flirting is creepily staring and making sarcastic, darkly-humorous jokes. I blame my parents (obviously joking).

     That all changed last November when I met (on a cruise no less) a guy named Nathan. We are almost the same age and were immediately drawn to each other. From the day we met, we spoke every day for hours. All my insecurities vanished because regardless of how I felt about myself, he liked me exactly how I was. We made fantastic plans to take a trip together (plans I was determined to see through). Because he lived on another continent and had already planned to take a cruise with his friends, it was decided I would join him on this trip. I worked every day for two months to be able to afford it. 

     All the while, I am going through my cruise application process. Not only was he supportive, he was one of my biggest cheerleaders (I even mention him in a previous post, mentioning him as one of the people I called first when I found out I got the job). The job happened to be on the cruise-line I was intending to join him on. I had the money, so I booked the trip… Well, the day after I booked the trip, he became distant. When we stopped talking regularly, he wrote it off as a busy work schedule. My friends could all see that I was anxious and uneasy. Sure enough, 4 days before the trip, he ends it (and with that came back all my insecurities, "Obviously, something must be wrong with me.")… Even better, the next day I find out I will be working on the ship I now found myself going on alone. Just to add insult to injury, this ship also happens to make port in city he lives next to…. If there is a god, she too has a dark sense of humor. 

Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Program

     So, like a phoenix, out of my heartbreak came opportunity. I was able to meet and bond with some people and coworkers on the ship I would be going to (lucky I found this out beforehand, otherwise the trip would’ve been a total loss). I had a leg up and had already made friends. However, there are some circumstances that make finding friends more difficult. 

Friends from Afar

    There is a phrase that is commonly thrown around on the ship: “Paisano.” In layman’s terms, this phrase basically means your own type of people, referring to nationality. Outside of your department, who are usually the easiest people with whom you can make friends, the next easiest are people who come from a similar background.

     Unfortunately, I work for a company that, unlike many American-centric cruise-lines, caters to a very international market. This means that, on both ships I’ve been on, I have been the only (or one of the only) Americans working on the ship. Also, my lack of ability to speak in other languages doesn’t help. Many of the nationalities that band together on the ship tend to speak in their common tongue. And who can blame them? This means I should get alone well with other native English-speakers, but even those are incredibly rare. I can be sitting in a circle of 10 people, all speaking in a language I do not understand and it makes you feel incredibly isolated.

Friends in a Nutshell

     One aspect of working on a cruise ship that has made it incredibly fulfilling has been the ability to meet and make friends with people from all over the world. I have had the opportunity to spend time with people from countries I couldn’t have found on a map with a gun pointed at my head. This opportunity that has taught me more about difficult cultures than I ever learned off-ship.

     One other pleasant surprise has been the ease in which I manage the make friends in different departments. While people you directly work with on a regular (read: daily) basis tend to be the ones you develop the closest bond with, I have many friends in damn-near every department. Meeting and making friends with these people is a great way to broaden your horizons and learn more about the ship and different positions.

Dating

     When I came to work on a cruise ship, one of the influencing factors was that I was technically single. I was talking to a guy, but he lived overseas and I never would’ve expected that I would end up on a ship that would make port in his city. So, I assumed that many of the people on the ship would likely be single. I was wrong. Many people who are on the ship have significant others (dating or married) both on and off the ship. Though my experience has made me familiar with a new term: ship boyfriend/girlfriend.

     Because so many people, like their onshore counterparts, crave the intimacy of a significant other, they tend to look for romantic partners onboard Unfortunately, it is very difficult to guarantee future contracts together and can therefore be hard to continue, unlike most relationships on land. This is especially true when they could conceivably live continents away. However, I have met innumerable people who have even married the people they have met working on cruise ships.

The Love(less) Boat

     Sadly, like my life on land, I have not been particularly successful in finding a relationship. Through I am hardly alone. Dating on a cruise ship is fraught with unforeseen complications: cabin-mates, conflicting work schedules and inconsistent times for dates, language Barries, and cultural differences. Along with the normal complications of dating (and adding in the sexual incompatibility of gay men and women and their heterosexual ship-mates), it isn’t entirely surprising to hear that some people don’t even bother trying to go down this path.

Sex on the High Seas

     One thing that did not live up to the expectations set forth by the friends I’ve met that currently, or have in the past, work(ed) on cruise ships: cruise-life is not the bastion of guilt-free sex with attractive multi-cultural people that they described to me. This is not true of everyone, though I’ve met people who expertly navigate these waters I have not been nearly as successful. Some pitfalls that I’ve witnessed may seem obvious in hindsight, but some you may never see coming. 

     One major factor to look at with sex is to be careful who you choose. This is obvious, but the reasons may not be entirely apparently. For one, first and foremost, you’re in a place of work; making unwanted sexual advances can result in action taken by HR. It is even discouraged (in our welcome aboard informational packet) that we not initiate and contact or behaviors that could be perceived as sexual. Also, while it is well within your liberty to date or sleep with your coworkers, you should always be conscientious of how it can affect your working environment. 

     While not always true, if you sleep with someone, it is safe to assume some people will likely know about it. People on cruse ships are prone to some level of adolescent gossip; and, if you give someone a reason to, will talk bout their experience with you with their paisano, friends, or entire department. You may also find that the rumors are like a game of telephone: that they spread fast, wide, and are horribly distorted from the truth

    Another hurdle is mutual interest and attractions. Just like on land, some people are focused on finding a relationship, while others are focused on having as much fun as possible outside of work. Unlike on land, some people are only here to work and prefer to make connections back at home. Also, there is the necessity of mutual sexual attraction as well as cultural views of sex/sexual relationships.

    The (sometimes) biggest aspect of sex on a ship is location. Sex can be prevented easily due to lack of venue. Sex in passenger areas (even with other crew members) is punishable with termination; and, unless you are a manager, you are at the mercy of your cabin-mate. While some people feel rules are made to be broken; people are regularly disembarked for infractions regarding sexual misconduct

If the Boat’s A-Rockin’, Don’t Come A-Knockin’

     I mostly just wanted to title the last part of this post for the sake of my own amusement. But here I will more directly address the questions that have been posed to me that do not fit into the overall narrative, structural flow of the rest of this post. 

-Are you allowed to sleep with passengers? Do people still do it? Have I?

     The simplest answer the first part of this question is no. Any form of sexual act with a passenger is punishable by immediate termination. Even going to a passenger’s cabin without a work-related need (or they are not pre-authorized family or friends) is punishable by termination. Many people say to me, “Well, there is no way for them to know.” There are hundreds upon hundreds of cameras throughout the ships that are under regular surveillance. There are regular patrols throughout the corridors on the ship by people going about their jobs in various departments, and guests and crew alike can report you. We are even discouraged from hugging passengers for the sake of avoiding complication with guests who could report this as sexual behavior (unless it is initiated by the guest). The solution I’ve heard is most commonly employed to avoid getting caught is meeting ashore (which is still against the rules, but harder to get caught). 

     Do crew still sleep with passengers on the ship? Of course they do. Like I mentioned before, people are regularly disembarked for sexual misconduct (both with and without passengers). However, there are more, even still, who get away with it and enjoy it almost as a form of sport. They like the thrill of getting away with it. This is why the answer to the last part of the question is another no. I don’t believe I could get over my nerves or fear of getting caught.

-How has sex and dating been for you on the ship?

     Please allow me to first respond to this question with approximately 10 minutes continuous laughter. I can’t even get a date on land with a larger pool of possibilities (even coming from a very liberal, progressive, sex-positive gay city). There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but that doesn’t mean I am good at fishing. 

     I have been ending the last couple posts by specifically talking about how certain aspects of my personality have made it more difficult for me to adapt to life aboard: namely my low self-esteem. I have given more background about the root of those problems in this post, so you can see that one BIG area this is likely to affect me is in the dating/sex department. However, a few other aspects of my personality play a factor here as well. One is my near constant need for approval, which creates an almost desperate need for acceptance and regular reassurance. The other is that I am someone who feels emotions very strongly. If I am sad or depressed, I can sometimes be paralyzed with the feeling. If I am happy, I am manic and sometimes even a little crazy. Also, I have a lot of love to give. I tend to find myself easily capable of developing crushes on people, and it can sometimes be multiple people at once. Well, imagine what it must have been like for someone like me to come on to the ship and find themselves surrounded by countless good-looking, kind people, from a variety of cultures. I found myself attracted to too many people. It may have only been 3-4 people, but this created an image in others' minds that I was a slut or that I was chasing after all the guys on the ship. Have I had sex on the ship? Of course I have (almost everyone who is single working on ships has had sex if they were so inclined for it to happen); but these people told other people that it happened and this just bolstered the opinions that people had already formulated about me. The ultimate irony is that I would love to have sex regularly, but I have had less sex than almost anyone else I have talked to on the ship. 

     Again, other problems stand in my way of building these types of meaningful (or less meaningful) connections with people. I have terrible anxiety when it comes to approaching people. I was raised in a society that was teetering on the cusp of acceptance of LGBTQIA people, and unfortunately had a near constant fear of approaching people who’s sexuality is unknown for fear of retaliation. Especially in a multi-cultural setting, where this could be made worse by cultural differences. This hasn’t really been the case, and even the straight people I met on the ship are nice, and accepting, and don’t treat adoration by a gay man as some kind of travesty. But also, there is a deficit of out-and-proud gay men on some of these ships. My first ship had a very small cross section of crew that was gay and (while there were others that didn’t tell people, or were on the down-low) they weren’t particularly open to dating or sex (at least not with me, from my experience). The second ship was populated by TONS of gay men, and it presented a different problem. Because there are so many of them they had more choice and would  instead choose to pursue other guys that may be considered more desirable on the ships. 

     Ultimately I feel that I could conceivably find a boyfriend, or sex, or whatever I may be looking for, if I could only first figure out exactly what I want... I tend to be all over the place (just take a look at these posts before editing). While I know who I am or am not attracted to, I know that the biggest obstacle to overcome when it comes to these things is me. I know that I am my biggest problem and it stems from my self-esteem. So... I am the problem, and I need to stop seeing myself a problem to fix that problem. Like I said before, I may have the self-awareness necessary to see the problems I have, but not always the ideas of how best to approach it. But I am trying. But maybe, now knowing what to expect regarding sex/dating on cruise ships, I can avoid some of the mistakes and pitfalls that I landed myself in during this first contract. 

I've Been Working on the Cruise Ship...

     Like all aspects of ship life, it will never be the same for everyone. Work can vary from ship-to-ship, employee-to-employee, department-to-department, and contract-to-contract.

     Even before I was offered the position on the ship, the expectations for work were heavily stressed to me. However, rarely in life do things meet the expectations of the expector. Sometimes things are better than expected, sometimes worse; and working on the ship has been a little bit of both.

The Day-to-Day

     One thing that lives up to expectations is how often we work. I was told from the beginning that I would be working every day. They were not exaggerating. Since I have started my contract, there has not been a day where I have not punched in and out on the clock for some amount of time. There are differences though from the various departments. Those that are contracted through an agency for shows (dancers, singers, musicians, etc.) can, and sometimes regularly, have days off. There is almost no exception (outside these people) to the expectation of daily work. The few exceptions are a half-day off of work for a birthday and if you have reached overtime (a very difficult task, as full-time for seafarers is nearly double the hours of those on land). you may be granted a night-off at the discretion of your manager. 

... All the Live-Long Day

     As I stated before the full-time hours for seafarers are long, though not always consistent. I could work 7 hours one day, then 16 hours the next. This is something that didn't live up to expectations because I fully expected every day to be a 10-13 hour day. The hours and their consistency depend heavily on department. Most people who are considered crew have longer but more consistent hours (more like what I had expected) compared to employees that are considered staff. Our schedule can vary from day, to week, to ship, to itinerary. Some people work overnight, some people work split shifts, some people work one long shift each day. This is a difference that can sometimes cause tension between departments due to hours worked; but with everything in life, there is a trade-off. 

The Sword of Damocles 

     With fewer hours comes more stress; something I don't think I really anticipated. Staff, more closely aligned with guest interaction, have to contend with external factors as well; including goals, guest satisfaction/complaints, strategies/marketing, event planning, etc. Hours may be shorter, but they can change on a dime and work follows us back to our cabin. When crew take off their uniform, it is like removing their responsibility resting on their shoulders until they clock in again. This is not always true, but staff almost always have the success of their respective departments looming over their heads. And, god forbid, if you are not performing to expectations, it is like waiting for an axe to drop (more on that later). 

     Of course, nothing in life can be easily explained away by such glittering generalities and success does not usually knock on your door to take you by surprise. It takes a lot of work, planning, and a good support system. 

A Team Sport

     Virtually no job on the ship is a one-(wo)man job. Even the captain has a team for support to ensure his job works smoothly. Even if you don't have someone working directly alongside you, unless you are the captain, you likely have a boss or supervisor to help you make your job a success... or punish you if you do something wrong. The internal functions of a floating hotel are extensive and intricate, so the bureaucratic process on the ship can be quite extensive; so you'd do best to have a good relationship with your peers. 

     The amount of people you work with is impossible to say because this is determined by itinerary, department, and ship. The team could be two people, or it could be 600 with smaller sub-factions that work more closely together than with other people. 

Co-Existence

     To call the people you work with "coworkers" isn't entirely fair or accurate. In reality, you share your existence with these people; eating with them, partying with them, even living in the same cabin with some of these people. This, compounded by daily work, means that coworker relationships can be fraught with more complications than work in other environments on land. These relationships can also be complicated by other factors, such as cultural differences, romantic entanglements (dating coworkers being perfectly allowed), language barriers, along with the usual differences of opinions or personality clashes. 

     I have been asked before whether or not I like my coworkers. I have several answers to that because the answer is not very straight forward. My first response is to defy you to find any person who works in a large team that likes every person they work with. Then, next I'll ask you to throw those other complications in to the mix and tell me how likely someone is to like all their coworkers. There are obviously people that I am very close with and can be counted as some of my closest friends on the ship. These are people that make the experience of working on a cruise ship worth it. They form an invaluable support system and are people that I hope to continue a relationship with after my contract is up and I hope to work with again in the future on another ship or another contract.

     But every coin has two sides and every light has a dark. There are also coworkers who are insufferable. Their very existence causes you discomfort, spending any excessive amount of time with them sends you into a bad mood, and you eagerly await the day that they disembark. Of course, every person has experienced intense, irrational dislike of people for seemingly no reason other than their very existence. And I would not ever claim to be above it all and that no one has ever felt that I was the coworker they liked least in their place of work.  

     This is a bit of hyperbole, but is not too terribly far off-base. Just like with cabin-mate disputes and disagreements, you are welcome to come forward with valid reasonings for a strained working relationships in order to be moved to a different area in the department, or, if the issue is serious, to another ship. This rarely happens, and if the issue is that serious and complaints are carries through properly to the point of transfer, there is usually a serious problem that will result in disciplinary action on the coworker causing problems. There is also an HR department through the home office and on the ship, with an anonymous tip line, in order to report serious problems as they occur and ensure the ship is kept running; because serious disagreements among coworkers can cause breakdowns in the work of the ship.

The Hierarchy 

     I have already stated that the workings of a floating hotel are intricate and there is no way in my first contract I could understand all the intricacies of the different departments on a ship. However, the people you see when you are on a cruise ship are ultimately a small fraction of the amount of people who work on a ship every day. With upward of 1,500 workers, it is impossible to know everyone and what they do. There are several major departments on the ship that then further breakdown. There is the restaurant department, which breaks down to the specialty restaurants, galley, cooks, servers, bar department, etc. The hotel department includes the shops, casino, shore excursion, cleaning staff, cabin stewards, guest services, etc. Aside from security, there are other people in other departments that you are likely to never see, or recognize them for the jobs they perform on the ships: there is the administrative staff behind the scenes (crew pursers, accountants, event managers), there are firemen and engineers, and people that even working on the ship I am still learning what they do. 

     Each department has a head, there are managers and supervisors, there are officers and directors and at the top is the captain. Your level in the chain of command is determined by your stripes. Most crew and staff don't have more than one stripe, and I am not even entirely sure how many stripes the management team have. However, the captain has five stripes, the commanding officers (chief engineer, hotel manager, staff captain, etc.) have four stripes, and their directors/officers have three stripes (which leads me to believe that the managers, who report to the directors and officers, have two stripes). 

Growth and Development 

     I will give a lot of credit where credit is due, there are a lot of opportunities for advancement and growth. The possibility to climb through the ranks is really available to everyone who is willing to put forth the time and the effort. Obviously the highest positions require more expertise and are not likely to be reached by 99.999999999% of the people who set foot to work on a cruise ship. However, we are given the opportunity to learn about the different aspects in our respective departments and are even given the opportunity (after 2 contracts) to change departments should we wish to (and we show an aptitude for the necessary qualities of those given fields). Vertical movement within the company can happen in a single contract or it can take place over time. I was lucky enough to be hired on in a position of management due to my years of specialized experience, but I have heard of people being promoted even in their first contract. 

What Does This Mean for Me?

     Of course, I ended my last blog post by discussing just how my own personal issues affected my adjustment to starting on a ship. I had also discussed that those feelings greatly impacted my work and so I wanted to round out this post by discussing how my work has been affected. 

     I mentioned a moment ago that I was hired by the company I work for in a management capacity due to extensive experience and certifications I have in my given field. I have felt that I was good in my positions in the past and felt no reason to believe I wouldn't do well moving forward. From the beginning I found myself connecting with my supervisors and I had their support; unfortunately, after my training was completed and I was moved into the position on my own, I found that no matter what I was doing, I was not being as successful as I had envisioned I would be. I didn't really know what to do. My self esteem constantly saw that the problem was not any external factor, but was in-fact a direct result of me and the practices I had imposed when I started, and no amount of reassurance given to me by my supervisors could shake the feeling that I was failing. Every day saw me waiting for the call that stated I was being demoted, I was being fired, or that I wasn't going to come back for another contract. 

     Another thing that was greatly impacting my ability to feel successful or enjoy my work is my language limitations. I was contracted to be on an itinerary that would greatly be enhanced by my ability to speak multiple languages. But, like any American, I speak only two languages: English and sarcasm. I had made it abundantly clear during both the application and interview process that I did not have extensive language experience, but they assured me that I would be fine and not to stress too much. Unfortunately, I do feel that my job performance would be greatly improved if I was able to more adequately communicate with my guests. 

     How do I feel about the work now? I feel that is is completely different than work on land. So much of the work is directly in the hands of the workers on the ship. Events, promotions, marketing, etc. are almost all planned and coordinated on the ship and not by the home office like I had expected. It is so much more hands-on than just keeping guests happy and making goals (like I had anticipated). I have been working hard, and the work has been tedious and incredibly stressful. But the work can be greatly enhanced by what (or who) you choose to do also in your free time. Stay tuned...